


There’s Got To Be a Better Name For It

by thewightknight



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man: Far From Home, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Euphemisms, F/M, Spider-Man: Far From Home (Movie) Spoilers, The Talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-23 16:48:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19705447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewightknight/pseuds/thewightknight
Summary: Peter and May had never had THE TALK. They could have gone on without ever having had THE TALK, as far as Peter was concerned.





	There’s Got To Be a Better Name For It

**Author's Note:**

> Why this is what stuck with me after coming out of the theater, I do not know. I do not apologize.
> 
> Not huge movie spoilers here, but spoilers nevertheless.

“Peter, can we talk?”

Peter always dreaded those words. Whenever Aunt May said those words, he either ended up crying or about to explode from embarrassment, and he never knew which way the conversation would go until it was too late.

“Um, I really gotta go, May. Neighborhood needs its friendly Spider-man, you know?”

“Nice try, kid. Sit.” May patted the sofa cushion next to her and Peter reluctantly dragged himself over to sit next to her. “So how are things going with MJ?”

“Good, I guess? I mean she’s still talking to me and we sit together at lunch.”

“Good, that’s good. I’m glad. She’s a wonderful girl.”

“She sure is!” So this was going to be about MJ. That’s all right. He could talk about MJ for hours. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.

May took a deep breath. “Okay, so I know this is a conversation we should have had a long time ago. I know they might have covered this in school already but I need to be sure.”

Peter began to get an inkling of where this might be going. “Oh no.”

May took a deep breath. “I just want to be sure you’re being safe and all.”

“May, stop!”

“I mean, when MJ makes your Peter tingle …”

Peter clapped his hands over his ears. Why had he thought this wouldn’t be so bad? He’d jinxed himself. He should know better.

“… make sure you’re suiting up your little superhero, is all I’m saying.”

“We’re not even … oh god.”

“Do you know how to put a condom on? Because we can go over it, if you like. I’ve got some bananas.”

“NO! Really, I’m good, May. I promise.”

“You sure?”

“I am absolutely positively one hundred percent sure. But thank you?”

“You’re welcome. And if you ever have any questions and want to talk about something, and you don’t feel comfortable doing it with me, you know Happy will be happy,” and May chuckled at that, “to help.”

“Okay. Thanks, May. Now I really gotta get out there.” A siren went off at that moment and Peter gave a silent thanks to anything that might be listening.

“You be careful out there!” May called in parting as he shot from the room. Once his bedroom door closed, he leaned back against it, eyes screwed shut. “I bet none of the other Avengers had to go through that,” he muttered.

“You’d be surprised,” Nick Fury said and Peter jumped. “Peel yourself off the ceiling and suit up your big superhero, Parker. We’ve got work to do.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! If you want to say hi, [check out my profile](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewightknight/profile) for where I’m currently hanging out on this here internet thing.


End file.
